First off, it is Thursday and i so, so, so, so, so wish I could have the night off tonight. I am hosting Bunco at my house tomorrow night, and my house is a stink'in mess. I had this awesome random kick on keeping my house clean at the beginning of the month, but then I let the month get away from me. I let a few days/night get away from me, and we all know...if you don't do it yourself...it won't get done. Boys and girls have such a drastic different opinion of what is clean and what is not.
I will never, never, never understand how other moms keep their houses clean. I always think that maybe if I had a bigger house it would be different, but I think that just enables me to keep and have more crap I don't need. What a joke! In any case, say a little prayer for me today that I get my stink'in house clean by 7 p.m. Friday night. I would love it to be clean by 5 p.m., but working tonight...well that makes it a little tough. It's been a long week for both Warren and I, and I know it's going to be next to impossible for him to get any cleaning done tonight.

So...for the second time in eight and a half years I was fired by a patient last night. My charge nurse said it was a clash of personalities, but ultimately...HE WAS A MONSTROUS DICK! I was in his room all of 10 minutes and I was trying to help him, but he didn't want a damn thing to do with that. He was pissed off...I guess b/c I have ovaries and I guess ovary wearing nurses couldn't do a damn thing right for him. Oh well...all I's can say is...you are a 50 year old pussy!
I will never understand what possesses men in their 5o's after open heart surgery to be the biggest, whiniest, freakishly annoying men on the face of the planet. What is is?! YEA...you had open heart surgery....and YEA...it is going to suck...and YEA...it is going to hurt like hell, but you know what...you are alive. Many don't make it through. You have a second chance to change your life, and lots of people don't get that chance. What enables you to be a whiny ass bitch. I will never understand it, and...YES...I try to understand, but please...sometimes things that are meant to change your life...they hurt!
Anyway, Sophia is sick for the fourth day in a row today. She is at sick kid daycare. "Under the Weather" is a sick kid daycare out of Bergan Mercy Medical Center, and they are the people who will help to enable me to go back to work tonight. It is a nightmare to try and stay up all night at work, come home stay up all day with your sick kid, and then go back to work again that night. I've done it once with only four hours of sleep in all of that, and, let me tell ya, you feel like ass for days!!! You could sleep for a week straight and still feel like you are behind.
Warren took Sophia to Urgent Care last night and they said that her rapid strep came back negative, but they said that it looked like she had hand foot and mouth again. I f-in hate that virus. Sophia has had this crap for the third time in the last year! I can not figure it out. What is so hard about washing your hands! Oh well...we can't live in a perfect world.
This week I've been doing a lot of thinking about my weight. I hate it! I weigh just as much as I did at the end of my pregnancy with Sophia. It makes me furious to think that I've let myself go this far! I'm afraid that I won't be able to get back to a healthy weight. I want to loose the weight so BAD, but I have absolutely NO energy to go to the gym. This cold weather and working nights has me sick. It is so easy to stop at Hy-Vee or Subway or whatever other place and pick up crap I don't need to eat. I'm trying to eat more veggies and fruit, but dude...they taste so nasty sometimes!

It was so easy to let the pounds melt off in my 20's, but in my 30's it seems like I can't do anything else but pack on more and more and more and more weight. I'm embarrassed to have my picture taken. Who wants a fatty in a picture. I know this sounds like a pity party, and honestly...it is. In any case, I've decided I need to join Weight Watchers.
I've seen it work for my friends and family. I want it to work for me. I'm just torn...do I do the online thing or do I do the meeting thing? I'm so afraid I won't be able to give up what I need to loose the weight. I want to be proud of the way I look again, and I want to feel better. I keep putting off joining b/c I don't want to fail. What a miserable excuse, right?
Well, I guess I should close this pathetic rambling and get some sleep. Three o'clock is going to be here sooner than I want. Thanks all for listen to me feel sorry for myself. I promise the next blog to not be so self loathing! :-)
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